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I could smell that she had soiled herself and would need a diaper change. Carla was indifferent to her condition and reached up to touch my face and mustache, giggling as she seemed to be exploring me with her little hands."Somebody needs a new diaper," I said in baby talk, certainly sounding idiotic and making a complete fool of myself. "Yes she does," I continued. Carla gurgled as if she was trying to answer me."Here, I can change her," Lauren said. But as soon as she reached for Carla, the baby started crying again. She tried to grab me me as much as she could, with all the strength she could muster, sobbing continuously. The tears were streaming from her eyes.As soon as Lauren backed away, Carla relaxed and her crying eased. But then as soon as Lauren leaned in again, the tantrum continued."I guess I can change her. But I have no idea how to do it. You could give me instructions."I remember all those sitcoms and movies where the guy sees soiled diapers for the first time. They. Do you understand me?”“Got it,” Ryan said.I heard Liz’s ragged breath on the line before she spoke.“Bastards?” she asked me.“It’s why I didn’t want you involved,” I said. “She was pissed at me. I understand that. When she came in ... shit. The maid was here. OK? She’s young and pretty and I was watching her butt while she vacuumed. She got the wrong impression about me. I was just ... enjoying the view.”Liz gave a soft laugh.“It was a nice butt,” I said, hoping to quell Liz’s anger a bit more. “It wasn’t as nice as yours but ... well ... her pants were see-through and she had on striped underwear. I thought she was auditioning to be a backup dancer or something. You know how it is. I’m a typical boy.”Liz laughed aloud.“So, she thought because you were looking at another woman’s butt that she had the right to say ... that?” she asked.“There was a little more to it,” I said. “She didn’t want to deal with me. I think she felt watching me walk around like a dumbass was below her skill.
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